Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving

What to say, what not to say, and the small steady gestures that help most in the months after a loss.

When someone you love is grieving, the urge to fix it is enormous, and almost everything you might say to try will land wrong. Grief doesn't want fixing. It wants company.

What helps: showing up, often, for a long time. Texts that don't ask for a response. Meals dropped at the door. Specific offers ('I'll pick up the kids Thursday') instead of open ones ('Let me know if you need anything').

What hurts: timelines ('It's been six months, shouldn't you be...'), comparisons ('At least you had time to say goodbye'), and silver linings ('They're in a better place'). Even when said with love, these tell the grieving person their feelings are wrong.

Say their person's name. This is the most underrated gift. Grieving people are terrified the world will forget. Hearing the name out loud, in a story, a memory, a small mention, is medicine.

Mark the dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, the day of the death. A short message, 'Thinking of you and of [name] today', tells someone they aren't grieving alone.

And be patient with yourself. Supporting a grieving person is its own kind of work. You won't get it perfect. Showing up imperfectly, again and again, is what love looks like in this season.